Biggest Fear: Just slightly conquered

One vivid memory from the sailing trip influenced my life more than anything so far. I met up with Ryan in Mazatlan, Mexico during my spring break as a first year teacher in the boondocks of North Carolina. I arrived in Mazatlan, no idea what I was doing and had not heard from Ryan in days. My fingers were crossed, my stomach slightly in knots, that our sparse communication had been accurate and he would be waiting for me when I arrived in Mazatlan. This left for little communication between the two of us since we got in engaged that past December and had only starting "dating" a few weeks prior to that. Although we had known each other for 8 years, everything moved very quickly, and our relationship was developed thousands of miles apart with little to no communication, mostly written.

He began his journey in San Diego, having spent the previous 2 months to our encounter cruising around Baja. How does someone so young have the means to sail on their own sailboat? For Ryan, a lot of reading and determination. He discovered this 42ft. steel haul catch living in someone's backyard for 20 years. In need of a lot of work, he spent the first year on their property fixing up the outside. Once the boat was able to sustain life in the water, she was moved to the San Diego harbor where she lived for another few years, being refurbished inside and out before making her maiden voyage.

Sure enough, I learned quickly that I could rely on Ryan's commitments. He was outside of the airport when I arrived, a little sweaty from the not so easy journey to get to me, but nonetheless, he was there just as he said he would. Leaving Mazatlan, we sailed back to Baja (if my memory serves correctly,) where we spent our very early morning's on a 12ft. inflatable dingy with fishing poles in hand, trolling the waters. The water was murky, similar clearness of the south western coast of the US. We were probably on day 4 and without a shower onboard, I was pretty filthy. You know that sticky feeling? Yes, that was me. The other two friends onboard would jump in the water, soap up with Braunners' on deck and rinse off back in the water….myself, nope. I could not allow myself to jump into unknown territory with an unknown depth below our home….who knows what lives down there? I would dangle my feet and splash water on my arms and legs, but I could barely submerge my legs without fear coursing through my body of what was looking up at me, possibly on the hunt. I was terrified.

My ingrained fear of sharks probably stems from my father. To give you perspective, while driving through the middle northern part of Florida during my college days, I spoke with my father, and he said to me (this is an exact quote), "watch out for sharks." I had to laugh because how silly is that? I was miles from a shoreline and yet my father was instilling that fear. Sorry dad, you know that is true!

Motoring back to the sailboat on the inflatable dingy, maybe 500 yards from the boat, I said to Ryan, "I'm going to suck it up and actually jump in the water." Not 15 seconds later as Ryan scanned the water while steering, his demeanor changes and he abruptly stands. "What is that?" He points to the port direction and maneuvers our rather small, red inflatable dingy toward the extremely large shadow in the water. As we are approaching, the very tip of a fin pops out of the water. My insides drop. My toes curl. Fear courses through my veins.

We circle the large mass in the water and can see mild stripes along its sides. From what we can tell, it looks slightly like a tiger shark, but this shark is roughly 20 feet long. Once we circle this amazing and large creature, my insides release the fear and excitement fills my being as this is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. We race back to the sailboat to pick up Tammy and Todd so they too can be a part of this magical moment.

It's now 9am, Todd and Tammy hand us each a cup of coffee cups, and we are full speed ahead to the large mass in the water. As we approach, it raises its head to the surface. There are most definitely stripes, which would typically indicate a tiger shark, but its round mouth and snout confirm its loyalty to the whale world. Not a tiger shark, simply a whale shark. I smile in delight, my body releases the fear endorphins, I have just released a bit of deep rooted anxiety that holds me back from so much. In that moment, I grew, I conquered, I overcame. Those few minutes in the grand scheme of life changed a part of who I thought I was.

As we circled the shark in awe, Ryan cut the engine, and our small blow up boat floats directly overtop of this massive whale. Being Tammy's inflatable, she mildly curses Ryan saying the whale could come up out of the water, slice the fabric, ruining the boat and leaving us stranded in this desolate spot in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, her fears did not come to fruition, and with a natural high tingling through our bodies, we excitedly motored back to the sailboat where I only slightly apprehensively jumped into the water for my first onboard shower.

The Bikes. The Planning

Within just a few short months, our bicycles had arrived. Thanks to Jason, step 1 was complete. We had our Surly Long Haul Truckers in hand, which we almost instantly shipped over to Philadelphia to saw the bicycles in half. Yes, the steal frames were literally sawed in half in two places and S&S Couplers and cable splitters were installed.

This would allow for us to pack down our bikes into boxes that were the largest dimensions of a checked bag on an airplane. Our entire lives fit into these four boxes.




How did we decide on where to go? Having so many to-do's in life, we both wanted to simply go with the flow, take opportunities as they arose, and not have any destination in mind. Our motto: No destination. No agenda. No timeline.

The cheapest, most eastern city we could think of was Lisbon, Portugal. We purchased one way flights, knowing we could travel as far west as we wanted. Next steps, work on our finances, sell all of our possessions, tell our family and quit our jobs.

Thinking : The first step to change

Almost 7 years to the day, I sat on the porch of my 100 year old cabin just on the outskirts of Boulder CO. Per usual, I was home alone, sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch, overlooking Boulder from a similar view as the flatirons. The porch was perched above all other homes and neighborhoods in Boulder, providing spectacular views of Pearl street as well as the university. The secluded area allowed for as many quiet moments as one desired.


How did I end up here? I often asked myself in these ever too often moments of sitting in this exact chair, alone, sad, isolated and terrified to admit the reality of what I was feeling within. If I only concentrated on the positives in life, I truly believed that those would become my reality and not the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was extremely unhappy.

We (Ryan and I) found ourselves in Boulder after we sailed the Pacific (San Diego to Mexico, across to Hawaii, around the Islands, up to Sitka, AK and eventually down to Bellingham, WA on a 42ft boat that Ryan spent 5 years refurbishing), ending our travels with $180 between the two us, newly married and carefree.

Ryan found a job in Boulder, and I willingly followed. I truly fell in love with the area after just one short visit. There is something genuine and captivating about this part of the country. I started my life in Boulder lonely. I left Boulder lonely. Just like I was in this moment.

Late-June, 2009, Ryan returned home fairly late from work. I spent my evening preparing a 5 course meal, drinking wine, and patiently awaiting his arrival. "Let's go travel," I said. Now that Ryan was into his evening routine of coming home rather irritated from his overworked and underpaid job, I waited, as always, for his second cocktail to be in hand before saying much.

Ryan is a very patient man, who always thinks before he speaks, might possibly be one of the smartest people in the world with his photographic memory and keen desire to fix anything. He is someone who will learn every aspect of any given topic for the ability to build or fix it. It's truly amazing. Keeping this theme to who he is, he didn't say much at first. "Where do you want to go? How do you want to travel?" He said.

"We could backpack. Or how about biking?" I replied, not thinking too much about the question, just going with my gut and taking what I love to do on a daily basis and incorporate it into my everyday life. Ryan the thinker. Lisa the impulse traveler.

"Neither of us have ever bicycle toured, but Jason works in a bike shop and could probably get us a great deal." Ryan responded. His wheels started turning, the research began, and I knew that we were onto our next adventure.